Benutzername    Passwort    Autologin    
  Passwort vergessen       Registrieren  
beeForum Foren-übersicht » joxe und so
Neues Thema eröffnen   Neue Antwort erstellen Hervorhebung entfernen


Always
Vorheriges Thema anzeigen :: Nächstes Thema anzeigen  
Autor Nachricht
UncleR



Beiträge: 2084

Titel: Always
Verfasst am: Do, 06 März 2008, 16:10
Beitrag
Antworten mit Zitat

What more needs to be said?


This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you fu*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull sh*t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX


____________
Staatskrise ist, wenn plötzlich keiner mehr RAUCHT, SÄUFT, RAST und SCHROTT aus China KAUFT...

Nach oben
Private Nachricht senden Rang:moron methusalem Sportangler Weinonkel (Hamm !) Zocker torjäger-tipper
boris



Beiträge: 10152

Titel: (Kein Titel)
Verfasst am: So, 09 März 2008, 14:23
Beitrag
Antworten mit Zitat

Laughing Laughing Laughing

Geil ! Sowas gabs schonmal als Zuschrift zu einem Telekommunikations-Unternehmen, muß ich mal raussuchen ...


____________
beehave - home of humbug ... [we can't afford to be neutral]

Nach oben
Private Nachricht senden Website dieses Benutzers besuchen Rang:godmode methusalem 3. platz professioneller Sportangler Profi-Winzer (7x Hamm) Arcade-Meister, Rang 16 rainbow-cup
boris



Beiträge: 10152

Titel: (Kein Titel)
Verfasst am: So, 09 März 2008, 14:32
Beitrag
Antworten mit Zitat

Das ist nicht der, den ich meinte, aber auch cool:

Zitat:
Dear Continental Airlines,

I am disgusted as I write this note to you about the miserable experience I am having sitting in seat <U>29E</U> on one of your aircrafts. As you may know, this seat is situated directly across from the lavatory, so close that I can reach out my left am and touch the door.

All my senses are being tortured simultaneously. It's difficult to say what the worst part about sitting in 29E really is? Is it the stench of the sanitation fluid that's blown all over my body every <NOBR>60 seconds</NOBR> when the door opens? Is it the wooosh of the constant flushing? Or is it the passengers asses that seem to fit into my personal space like a pornographic jig-saw puzzel?

I constructed a stink-shield by shoving one end of a blanket into the overhead <NOBR>compartment &mdash; while</NOBR> effective in blocking at least some of the smell, and offering a small bit of privacy, the ass-on-my-body factor has increased, as without my evil glare, passengers feel free to lean up against what they think is some kind of blanketed wall. The next ass that touches my shoulder will be the last!


I am picturing a board room full of executives giving props to the young promising engineer that figured out how to squeeze an additional row of seats onto this plane by putting them next to the LAV. I would like to flush his head in the toilet that I am close enough to touch, and taste, from my seat.

Putting a seat here was a very bad idea. I just heard a man groan in there! This sucks!

Worse yet, is I've paid over $400.00 for the honor of sitting in this seat!

Does your company give refunds? I'd like to go back where I came from and start over. Seat 29E could only be worse if it was located inside the bathroom.

I wonder if my clothing will retain the sanitizing odor . . . what about my hair! I feel like I'm bathing in a toilet bowl of blue liquid, and there is no man in a little boat to save me.

I am filled with a deep hatred for your plane designer and a general dis-ease that may last for hours.

We are finally decending, and soon I will be able to tear down the stink-shield, but the scars will remain.

I suggest that you initiate immediate removal of this seat from all of your crafts. Just remove it, and leave the smouldering brown hole empty, a good place for sturdy/non-absorbing luggage maybe, but not human cargo.

Das gibts sogar als Barbie/Ken-Puppen-Verfilmung:




____________
beehave - home of humbug ... [we can't afford to be neutral]

Nach oben
Private Nachricht senden Website dieses Benutzers besuchen Rang:godmode methusalem 3. platz professioneller Sportangler Profi-Winzer (7x Hamm) Arcade-Meister, Rang 16 rainbow-cup
Beiträge der letzten Zeit anzeigen:   
Neues Thema eröffnen   Neue Antwort erstellen    beeForum Foren-übersicht » joxe und so Seite 1 von 1
Gehe zu:  


Schreiben: nein. Antworten: nein. Bearbeiten: nein. Löschen: nein. Umfragen: nein.
phpBB © phpBB Group | impressum